I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize