Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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