I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
