Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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