she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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