I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Randomize
