i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
