none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
