At least make sure they are 18
Why
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize