At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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