You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
