did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
