u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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