Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
