mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
