i think i have herpe
just one?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Randomize
