There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
