Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
