bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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