I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
this will be a night to untag.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
