it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
