I hope mine doesn't look like that
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
