i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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