So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
