spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
