Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
