apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
