We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
