I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
