it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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