So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
