I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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