I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
