oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
