And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
