Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
