i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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