That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
