Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize