come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
