Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
how drunk are you?
Several
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
