No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
