Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
