get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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