Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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