In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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