hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
