I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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