i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
