dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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