So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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