I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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