Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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