You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
