I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
