Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
