Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
