Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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