I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
