We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
