We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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