If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
