They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
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