Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
