so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
