so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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