He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
