I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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