I feel like I'm in dance class right now
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
