And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
