I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
